Don’t get me wrong, life in 2020 was not what I expected. The big bads are too big to contemplate sometimes. It is easier to focus on what changed in my life. For me, I didn’t get to take most of the trips I had planned. (I have way too much “store credit” for various airlines that I may never get a chance to use.) I didn’t get to go to my nephew’s wedding or Husband’s grandmother’s memorial services. I didn’t find a new job or switch careers again. (It was a goal at the beginning of 2020…)

Not everything lost is bad. With every gain, there is a road not travelled. I have no insight on to what would have happened had we all taken a different path. Looking back, there are things I didn’t have in the before that I have now that I lived through 2020.

Time

Before the decision we would work from home, I spent anywhere from two to three hours commuting every day. That adds up to 780 hours a year (3 hours x 5 days x 52 weeks.) Ok, let’s say 720 hours assuming vacation days and holidays. The extra time has let me be better to myself. I don’t have to rush and use my Mommy Mean Voice to say, “Get. In. The. Car. NOW!” In fact, my children rarely get in the car at all. (I still use the Mommy Mean Voice from time to time of course.) And, when I am walking now, I am taking a walk. I am not scurrying in uncomfortable shoes from the Bus Stop to the Office and back again.

I used to spend much of the time commuting studying French. I haven’t studied much French in the last 10 months, but there are many more things I am doing that I like. I sleep til 6:30am. I go for long walks exploring my neighborhood. I have time to listen to the crazy theories from LittleOne about the conspiracies of monetization by YouTube. I can stay up past 10pm to finish a novel without too much regret the next day.

The extra time has also let me better to the people I love. We do a lot of things as a Family we didn’t have time to do before. I was too stressed out from a long day at work and facing another one just like it tomorrow to engage with my family. Husband and I have introduced BigOne and LittleOne to Star Trek: The Next Generation. LittleOne has introduced us to The Simpsons. (One of those I like better than the other.) We watch MasterClass topics together. BigOne and I have engaged in passionate, respectful political discussions in a way we never have before. (The conversations remind me of the talks I had with my father.) 

Knowledge

I know more about the people and the things I care about. (Ok, not French. I care about French, and I need to figure out how to work studying French back into my daily routine.) I know more about LittleOne and BigOne. I know better ways to wake them up in the morning. I know that they weren’t really ok with me travelling so much. I know that they still don’t want to do their chores, but they are getting better in the execution.

I know more about how I actually like to spend that extra time I have. I know that it is important to take breaks from the news of the day and live in your own space. I know that it is important to not try to keep up with every bit of data about every subject because you can’t. And I know that as an individual, I won’t KNOW everything the data means.

Putting knowledge and time together has been empowering. Not all the knowledge gained is good (number of deaths, number of infections, ways we can still dehumanize each other), but time + knowledge presents opportunities to experience the good and the bad and not just react to the latest crisis.

I became a better cook

(Not what you expected, huh?)

I will never be a chef, and I am ok with that. Before March 2020, I considered myself a good simple baker (cookies, cakes and pies), but a pretty mediocre meal maker. I have to give kudos to both my children and the internet. My children started asking me to make new things. BigOne wanted homemade pizza and Little one was sure I could figure out how to make donuts from scratch.

To be clear, I thought they were both crazy. It had to be better to order it from somewhere.

I was wrong. I have learned how to fry donuts and French fries. Not everything is made from scratch. (You could make an argument that nothing is since I buy flour and wouldn’t know how to start with wheat to make a donut.) I am much more adventurous on thinking about what I want to taste and then making it up as I go along. 

The internet helped a lot. There are hundreds of recipes for just about anything you want to learn to make, and most of the website let you skip to the recipe if you don’t want to read the narrative. (Husband being willing to eat all my mistakes helped a lot too.) The belief from my family that what I made would be worth eating keeps spurring me towards new creations.

I will take these three gains and be grateful to them. Focusing on what is more, and not what is less, is a choice. I do not deny there were too many loses in 2020, but it is important to cherish the gains when you recognize them.