Well, the time has come. I am faced with the question will I travel off the continent or not? And will I travel for business or for pleasure?
I. Do. Not. Know.
Right now, there is a potential trip to Paris the last week of September. Right now, there is a plan to go to Iceland on a girlz only vacation the first week of November. One trip, I desperately want to take and one I am on the fence on.
For the first week of November, back in February, when it was dark and cold and I didn’t think we would ever stop having school and work from home, NumberOneNiece and I decided to make a plan to go to Iceland for the Iceland Airwaves festival[1]. We would rent a camper van to sleep in, travel around the southern coast, finally get to the hot river, and then spend 5 nights in Reykjavik to enjoy the festival and the things available there. The plan was to leave BigOne, LittleOne and Husband behind and go write a novel in 9 days while enjoying the wind, sky, air and water of Iceland.
Yeah, the festival is cancelled. Right now, we are still planning to go, but so many things could change[2] or go wrong[3], I am trying not to get my hopes up. Even with an alternative plan for the 9 days that would not include leaving the continent, I find myself anxious about wanting to take the trip and feeling selfish for wanting this trip so much.
For the last week of September, this came up as a possibility in July. It would be work travel to attend meetings in Saint Denis, a northern suburb of Paris. The meeting is on, and the only question is will I ask to go? Actually, there are two questions. The other one is, why haven’t I asked to go yet?
The problem is one of expectations. We have great expectations, managing expectations, unrealistic expectations, and exceeding expectations. These terms are used rather regularly in my life.
I do not like expectations anymore.
You could say, I am afraid to get my hopes up. And that is true. More than that, I realize that both of these potential trips, it is a matter of hope[4] not expectation. I don’t have enough data to have an expectation about the trips. I have just sent my wishes out into the universe.
Except – have I?
See, I don’t know what to hope for in either case. And when you don’t know which way you want it to go, you are four steps behind having an expectation, being able to manage it, or experiencing a better than hoped for return.
What are the three steps I am behind?
Where I would like to be: having expectations about my journey
One step back: having set the structure and plan for the journey – even if the plan accounts for freedom to change the plan.
Two steps back: having set a budget for the journey – and being able to meet the budget
Three steps back: having a vision for the journey
I just know there are some random hotel and flight reservations I have made[5] or I have not made[6] that I might not be where I am today on those days.
So much of what we experience in life is determined by random associations and occasions that have to happen when we venture outside our home space[7].
Right now, I do not have great expectations. I do not have expectations, because I do not know what to expect and I do not see the strings that would help me bring my desired outcomes. If I cannot see them, I cannot tug on them. If I do not know my desired outcome, I cannot look for the strings.
I will survive without great expectations, but I want to get back to a place where I have them again. That is my desire – so now I just have to look for the strings.
[1] https://icelandairwaves.is/ As you can see from the link, it has been postponed until November 2022.
[2] Flights cancelled… a new variant emerges… the world ends…
[3] Positive covid tests… missed flights… the world ends…
[4] Hope is not a strategy.
[5] November
[6] September
[7] There is a podcast on this from Hidden Brain that I liked — https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/what-are-the-odds/