I just love the story of Cinderella in all its different forms. There are movies¹Ever After, the Disney one, Into the Woods, books²Mercedes Lacky has written at least two, and Julia Quinn’s, An Offer from a Gentleman is quite enjoyable., many versions of the fairy tale in collections for children, musicals³Into the Woods and that Rodgers and Hammerstein version. So many ways to tell the tale of a girl with a wicked step-mother who overcomes the odds to marry the Prince⁴Not addressing the wisdom of that as a life goal right now,⁵Also. Yes. I put Into the Woods twice. Love that show..

But the other day I was thinking, why DON’T we think about Cinderella’s father?

When I wanted to spark a debate, I started to ask the question, “You know I was thinking about Cinderella’s father…” and the response I got was, “Cinderella didn’t have a father.” From a man. Who is a father. And a very good father.

I was confused. How could a child not have a father? It wasn’t that we were watching one of the many ways our culture has retold the Cinderella story. I had a point I wanted to make, but he was absolutely confused on why I would talk about Cinderella’s father.

Since I didn’t get to enjoy my debate there, I will make my point here. Cinderella’s father is the epitome of what the author wants us to think of as benign neglect.

Except I don’t think neglect can be benign. It may happen without evil intent, and I may be able to make up for the neglect. But I might not be able to. Sometimes, not watching the stove after you have turned it on means the house gets set on fire. Sometimes it means your tea kettle gets ruined. The results of neglect are not predictable. But, just because you didn’t intend bad things to happen, your actions⁶Or in this case inactions were a contributing factor.

Cinderella’s father is the story of neglect. I mean yes, the wicked step mother is wicked and chose to act in a way to torture Cinderella. But how did she get there? Through her father’s neglect.

Sometimes, Cinderella’s father is alive but not concerned with her plight. Sometimes, he is dead. Either way, he did not fulfill his duty to raise, protect, and prepare his daughter for the place in the world she was born into.

Now, some will say, “Alls well that ends well.” But the really interesting thing to me is how a good father, an engaged father, a kind man, could just not register that there should have been a father in the Cinderella story.

Perhaps this bothers me so much because I don’t accept only the characters who speak and act are the ones that are important in a story. In this case, the lack of action is what sets in motion the drama. Only because Cinderella’s father was such a bad father (alive or dead) is she able to be subject to the will of her stepmother.

I think, in order to improve our world, we need to talk about characters like Cinderella’s father in order to reduce the risk that we become those characters. It is an interesting side of human nature that I have observed that people will forgive themselves for actions that they condemn others for. If we are protecting someone we love, it is ok to break the rules. If we are reaching for love ourselves, it is ok to ignore societal norms. And luckily, in America we get to make those choices. Unfortunately, in American, we are more likely to also have to accept the consequences.

A final point on Cinderella’s father is this – I have never read a story where he faces the consequences for his inactions. This is infuriating. There are always consequences for our actions and inactions. Sometimes for us. Sometimes for others. But I believe it is important to strive to see those consequences. Partially so I can avoid the bad ones, but also because it is part of being mindful. It is part of accepting my space in the world. You, me, everyone – we have an effect. If each of us only looks for our good effects – honestly? I think we are cheating.

Being aware of my effects on the world is being kind. While it is important to be thoughtful⁷Obviously, Cinderella’s father was not thoughtful, it is also important to be kind. The two work best when they go hand in hand.