Something has been nagging my mind about my new job. The first sign that something was very different was the fact that once a week I wasn’t texting people close to me, “I QUIT! I QUIT! I QUIT!¹A common occurrence since I started this job almost seven years ago”

It isn’t so much that I wanted to work a job I wanted to quit, but the truth is I am very passionate about my work. I want to do an excellent job and exceed expectations on a regular basis. And yet, I also want to be listened to by those above me and those I lead. I want to make a difference in my professional life²Although, according to the Google, I am more alone in this desire than I would like. #quietquitting..

In November, right after the job change, I admit I was feeling more anxious than I liked. But, that anxiety was more centered on how to do my old job and my new job at the same time. I had to figure out how to balance things, how to exceed expectations in my new role, and how to not let the groups depending on me down³Full disclosure, I am not sure I have figured that out yet..

But, after my long business sojourn and then a holiday break, I still felt that I felt too much peace with my new situation. It should bother me. It should be hard for me to accept anything less than perfection. I know myself, and that is how I feel. The ground beneath me is uncertain and one wrong move with bring all my accomplishments crashing down.

That was the nagging in my brain. I didn’t feel like one wrong move would change my situation.

It has been almost 3 months, but I have finally figured out what is so different now than any other time in my work life – I have a space in the inner circle.

An inner circle is a curious thing. It is established around a person⁴For example, Taylor Swift. I am not in that inner circle, thank goodness. I wouldn’t fit in there!, or a position⁵For example mine, around the president of my organization now that I am his direct report, or sometimes a temporary group⁶Like a congressional select committee? I am not as sure about this one, but I like things in threes.. Sometimes, you should be in the inner circle and you aren’t. Sometimes, it is social relationships. Other times, it is professional relationships. Any person with authority probably establishes an inner circle organically. Who are they going to let know what is going on and what they are going to do about it?

As always, I had to analyze this situation I found myself in, what it meant, would it last, and did I actually like it.

I think I do like it, and that is a little scary. Because, I know, my time in the inner circle isn’t unlimited. The organization will change over time, leaders change, and I don’t think it is actually my new position that gives me this space to inhabit. Instead, I think it is that I was chosen for my new position because the leader decided to take me into his inner circle and see how it went.

Right now, it’s comfy here. The pay is good, the challenge is real but something I am well suited for, and it is fascinating to see how the organization is changing right now. I appreciate the opportunity, and I am actually⁷ for once in my life withholding judgement while I see how things play out.

Nothing about this is bad⁸Why I used the term “nagging me” instead of ‘bugging me”, but I am glad I figured it out. It gives me a chance to prepare for when I am no longer an insider.

I came up with a couple of things I have to remember. First, I am not just in the inner circle for me, but for my whole team. This is important. My former leader protected his team from the rest of the organization with the result that we didn’t get glimpses into what was happening in that inner circle — where a small word or suggestion could make difference before the decision was made. That frustrated me, so I need to remember to keep my team connected to the inner circle and not stand in the way of their ability to see, interact, and spend some time in that inner circle.

Second, I need to be aware of the likelihood I could become too comfortable in that inner circle sanctuary. I think, if I let myself become too comfortable, it might be hard when I leave. If I can remember the comfort comes at a price⁹Nothing is free, then I can keep a perspective of weighing the price against the benefit. If I start to think the benefits are a right, not a transitory situation, it may be harder to stay true to my inner values. If staying an insider and staying comfortable becomes more important than acting in a way reflects my core values, there is a risk my core values will change. It could become that being comfortable will become more important than speaking truth to power. 

Finally, I need to never forget that my time here in this inner circle is limited. I think it always is when an inner circle is formed. Nothing is static. More than that, the next new challenge might not have a path to an inner circle. So while enjoying the moment while I am here is ok, I do not want to build too much of my self image on having this position — or any position — in the inner circle.

I am always glad for an opportunity to understand what is going on in my interior world and how it fits into the exterior world I inhabit. Perhaps, the lesson I didn’t see right away is this maybe should have been bugging me not nagging me. I am not uncomfortable in this position, and that is seductive. I think maybe I wanted a position like this, and never thought I would get here. So my motto for this stage of the journey is: Ride the Wave. It is my best change with being happy for myself when I get to the other side.