Like many people over the past 16 months, I have spent more time out and about in my neighborhood. I knew, from past strolls, that we had geese on several of the small ponds which are commonly sculpted in the landscaping of developments in Northern Virginia. They are pretty and over time, they have attracted wildlife. 

Unfortunately, that wildlife includes geese.

As I have spent more time discovered more about our little corner of Virginia, I have learned we have these lovely, paved paths that can be used for bicycles, walking, and even Heelys^[1]. It is also perfect for Geese poop. There are mulberry bushes along the path, so we also see a lot of purple geese poop. I try to avoid it. But the poop is not why I am afraid of the geese.

When the geese are close to the path, and I walk by, they hiss at me. If a goose perceives I am going to behave in a way they don’t like, they honk at me. When going on family walk with Husband, BigOne and LittleOne, I would grab one of them to put a barrier between me and the goose. Or geese. They usually travel in packs^[2]. However, as you can tell by my 5 million step post, I have done a lot more walking on my own since I haven’t had to commute.

I know my neighborhood better, but I am still afraid of the geese. On more than one occasion, I have turned around and changed my path for the day so I didn’t have to get hissed at or honked at.

The other day, as I navigated past two families of geese and didn’t turn around, I realized I live my life the same way. It isn’t that I am afraid of conflict, but I really don’t like being hissed at. Or honked at. Or being pecked by the people around me who don’t approve of my behavior. So I will take a different path to avoid interactions that make me uncomfortable.

I am afraid of people who have the power to hurt me.

I think sometimes, where our culture goes the wrong direction with a situation like this, is to start assigning blame and responsibility. We, as a culture, blame the people who make us uncomfortable and fearful. I do this sometimes. I blame the guy I pass walking down the street after dark in the city for making me afraid^[3]. 

Blame can turn to fear. Blame can turn to dislike. Blame can turn to hate.

This happens in the work situation as well. Lots of people I know go with the “beg forgiveness” methodology so they don’t have to address the chance that someone says they can’t do what they want to do. Is that fear? Smart? Manipulative?

Yes. 

Back to the geese – It isn’t powerlessness. I am pretty sure could have the skills to ‘take’ the goose. Grab a stick or a board and whack it in front of me so the goose leaves me alone and is too busy squawking while waddling away to hiss at me.

Power does not mean control. I may be able to find a stick to beat off the goose, but I can’t guarantee the goose will back up and not be hit by the board. My reaction in a desire to protect myself could do him damage. I don’t have the power to make him not hiss at me when he feels I am a threat to his family. I cannot dominate his actions, I can only use my actions to push his buttons.

We can only use the resources at our disposal. I think it is important to remember that because you can do something, it doesn’t mean it is the right response to a situation. Acting from fear reduces what little control you have over the effects of your actions.

I keep walking. Sometimes, like the day that inspired this letter, I suck it up and walk past the geese trying not to show my fear. I can feel in my gut that I am gathering my courage to my heart to walk past the goose in the path eating the mulberries on the ground without letting the goose win. And sometimes, I turn the other way and let the geese win. It can be better to try another day when the fear is less and the consequences are less extreme.

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^[1] BigOne and LittleOne recently got Heelys. But that is another story.

^[2] Yep, totally willing to sacrifice my children in this scenario.

^[3] Still carry my keys after dark. Silly? Maybe. I don’t like being hissed at by humans either.