Recently, I have been having some trouble with my computer at work. A lot of trouble. It seems that the computer no longer lets me do the tasks that are part of my daily work responsibilities. Schedule meetings. Send emails. Open a word processing program. I blame the Cloud. 

When I was a girl, first you had to buy the hardware. Then, you bought a software program and you installed it on your machine. Once¹It was supposed to be once. Licensing and all that.. If there was an update, it asked you to install the update. You could say no. There was an illusion that you were “in control” of the configuration of your computer.

When I went to college the fifth time²Yes, really the fifth of seven times I enrolled in higher education. Three degrees resulted from the seven adventures, so not a terrific average., I found the difference between computers and programs from when I was in high school was astounding. Suddenly, programs did what you wanted them to do. Mouses worked. Different platforms offered different specialties on what you could accomplish. There were interactive graphics³No touch screens yet.. Scanning was a wonderful thing that let you capture pictures and notes forever.

I touched my first computer in 1973 playing games called Plato⁴If I recall correctly and Hunt the Wumpus. As technology moves on⁵I can’t say advances, I have loved new features and resisted new features. That jump from what computers did in 1988, when I went to college the first time, and 1997, when I entered my first Engineering program was magical⁶Was that good?. But nothing has concerned me, through the 49 years of watching technology seep into every aspect of my life, as much as the vector technology is taking now. 

Why?

Well, I started thinking about this because of my computer at work. My work computer, at my current place of employment, was never what I would call useful. When I started this job in 2016, it seemed my computer set up was going to be the most annoying thing about my job. They asked me if I wanted a Mac or a PC, so of course I said Mac⁷It is the same Macbook I am writing this on now.. I wasn’t a fool. But when I got to the office to start, it turned out that their IT department could not connect a Mac reliably to their shared drive system⁸I figured out why, but amazingly, the subcontracted IT services did not appreciate my troubleshooting. Go figure. And it is a whole other Letter understanding why they offered me a Mac when they were pretty sure it wouldn’t work..

The organization switched IT providers, but nothing has gotten better⁹In fairness, it also didn’t get worse.. The newest fun is the one that made me stop, double take, and become concerned about what this new vector for technology means for all of us.

There is a big suite of programs that are ubiquitous in business, school, and personal use¹⁰I am using one of the applications right now that has transformed from 8 disks loaded into computer memory before installing the software to applications that are continually updated. Continuous “improvement”. Always the newest thing. It is such an attractive thought – always up to date. Never wishing you had waited three months for the latest and greatest is available. Never miss an update.

It is an attractive concept. Personal Life Coaches help us strive for continual improvement emotionally, professionally, and physically. My stodgy mindset to reach a goal is so last century. Static versus dynamic as a goal offers the promise of the incremental change always leading to something better.

And yet, for the last six months, I never know what my work computer is going to do when I turn it on. Will I be able to use the calendar program to schedule a meeting without crashing the whole system? Will the email, after I hit the send button, actually leave the outbox? How will I know? Will the ******** computer tell me if it did or did not complete these actions? 

Sometimes. Herein lies the problem. The promise of technology¹¹In my opinion is to introduce determinism into my life. I flip a switch, the light comes on. Mostly. If it doesn’t turn on, I have an algorithm to follow to fix the problem¹²Change the light bulb. If that doesn’t work, check the breaker. If that doesn’t work, check if power is out to the circuit. If that doesn’t work, check that power is out to the house. If that doesn’t work, check if the lamp is broken. Order of these steps may vary depending on the last failure case.. When trying to get my computer to just WORK, I have checked and changed probably 17 different things to at least have a clue when my computer is working and when it is not¹³Not even failure messages are deterministic.. 

As annoying as this is personally, I realized the lack of stability and repeatability in our use of technology makes me think there must be magic involved¹⁴Arthur C. Clarke quote and all that. I think it must be human nature to think if there is something you can’t dissect in order to understand and influence the outcome, it must be magic. It is easier when what you do to invoke the miracle is repeatable.

I like the concept of magic. Magic can change the human heart. Magic can bring bounty where there was want. Magic allows for that place where a miracle happens and you get the right outcome.

And yet… deciding that it is ok that my computer or my light or my world can’t be fixed by my actions is a little dangerous. If I don’t know what triggers the fix, I may start to believe in the ghosts in the machine. It seems this is the path which might lead us back to a dark age where society rejects reason and analysis and the ability to influence the state of our lives. I, anyway, need agency in my world.

I am a little scared.

For me, it would be better if it were broken technology. I could stop using it. The instability is both attractive for what it offers in gain and frustrating because the path to gain becomes closed and I don’t know why.